`` Two beds and a coffee machine

(via b-e-a-utifulbitch)

6 days ago 4,724 notes view comments

The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.
- Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
- Witness: "I only have one, you know."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
- Witness: "By death."
- Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
- -----
- Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
- The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
- -----
- Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
- Witness: "July 15th."
- Lawyer: "What year?"
- Witness: "Every year."
- -----
- Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
- Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
- Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
- Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
- Witness: "Er...his face."
- -----
- Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
- Witness: "Yes."
- Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
- Witness: "I forget."
- Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
- Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
- Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
- Witness: "Forty-five years."
- -----
- Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
- Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
- Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
- Witness: "My name is Susan."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
- Witness: "No."
- Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
- Witness: "No."
- Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
- Witness: "No."
- Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
- Witness: "No."
- Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
- Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
- Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
- Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
- -----
- Lawyer: "What happened then?"
- Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
- Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
- Witness: "No."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
- Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
- -----
- Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
- -----
- Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
- Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
- Witness: "That's me."
- Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
- Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
- Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
- Witness: "Yes."
- Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
- Witness: "Yes."
- Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
- Witness: "None."
- Lawyer: "Were there girls?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
- Witness: "Yes."
- Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
- Witness: "Borofkin."
- Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
- Witness: "I can't remember."
- Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
- Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
- -----
- Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
- Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
- Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
- Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
- Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
- Witness: "No."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
- Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
- Witness: "Yes sir."
- Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
- Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
- -----
- Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
- Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
- Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
- -----
- Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
- Witness: "I could see his head."
- Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
- Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
- -----
- Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
- Witness: "The victim lived."

6 days ago 25,889 notes view comments

b-e-a-utifulbitch:

cunts4lunch:

Please

I Wish.
(Source: orionfalls)

1 week ago 64,002 notes view comments

(Source: synodik, via b-e-a-utifulbitch)

1 week ago 18,490 notes view comments

I miss my best friend.

Parking my baby car in my designated spot within the residential parking area after another stressful day of work, I get the familiar feeling of anxiousness, the good kind, which motivates me to forget a day of work and actually breathe.. and take in the fresh air, and smell the flowers. The excitement of meeting him for dinner, coffee, whatever - just having a night out with him; My best friend.

But it’s all just imagination now. When you have a really good friend by your side for so many years, you tend to forget how important he/she really is, and at times, take him/her for granted. Appreciation is there, but never shown. And that’s how I feel. I knew I’d miss him dearly, but not this much. The pain becomes rather unbearable at times that I can’t believe it; Why? Maybe it’s because I naturally do not have many friends in the UK anyway? But no.. it’s because he’s been there through every single tough/happy/exciting moment I’ve handled. And not only he’s made me feel better every time, but he was there to suffer with me, play with me, fight with me and cry with me. HOW MANY FRIENDS DO THAT WITH YOU?

When I first heard the news that he will be leaving to Singapore.. my heart sank so low I thought I’d never feel a heart beat again. But deep down inside I was so happy for him, and I really wanted him to move forward and have a good future (since UK isn’t doing so well right now.. job seeking wise), and he received a good offer too! At the same time I felt so sad and lost.. but I didn’t say much because I didn’t want him to think I was being selfish. I was just glad he found something, and that I could be there to share the exciting news.

Almost a month has passed, and I’m feeling more lonely than ever. Everytime I had a stressful day at work, or a problem I felt I could not deal with.. he was there. He was there to reassure me and assist me. He was there to take my hand and tell me that everything would be okay. He would boost my confidence and remind me of what a good person I am. Now, I feel I have no one else to confide in, like the way I used to do it with him. We still talk.. but it’s so different when we’re not face to face anymore.

It’s been an emotional night for me. It struck me as I was driving home from work this evening - and it’s a Thursday night as well, when I usually meet him after work because I finish earlier.

Today all I could do was look back at our photos and hold back my tears, reminiscing the past 5 years, from the first day we met till the day we said goodbye (maybe for a long time, maybe forever?). I have never bonded this much with a friend in that period of time, shared so much and grew up together so much in 5 years, as I have with him. We started out as amateur pharmacy students.. and we’re now both registered and qualified pharmacists.

I just hope life will work the way it should be, in the best possible way, selfish of me or not. I just think everyone deserves a bit of happiness in their lives, and a best friend who can understand them. I didn’t see this coming, and I’m not sure how the future will be like anymore.

I miss you Loc. Life feels empty without you, I know my family is over, but trust me when I say it’s different when it comes to having a best friend around. You should know what I mean :).